shine_again | (no subject)

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Dan spends his time in captivity finding out what it might have been like if the Overlook had been a medieval dungeon run by fucking goblins. He feels precisely as helpless as he had in the worst of it there, at the beginning, when he's aware of everything. They beat him, of course, because it's a goblin dungeon, and one of them is sneering about tenderized meat. His coat and flannel and t-shirt are taken, though he's left with his jeans and boots. Something about foot-rot, they say. Not very appetizing.

He tries to frighten them, spits more of that strange language at them, and it earns him a cell of his very own, it seems. Now, this has nothing on the Overlook, cramped and slightly wet and cold; he's held to the wall with an honest to god chain, and all he can see from the gaps in the bars is a passageway, and a door on the other side, and fire beyond that door.

Dan thinks he might honestly have been dragged to hell.

The shining is of no use; all he feels is the terror and despair and angry helplessness of others in other cells. And then the dark waves again, which drag him down for hours at a time, and leave him shaking and gagging against his bonds.

He can't think, he can't think for all of the noise of everyone else's thoughts. Oh, but he tries. He thinks of Abra's light shining so brightly, that even across worlds, it might give him something to see by, he thinks of his mother fighting with everything to keep them alive. He thinks of the moment when he'd thought he was safe, his arms around Marcus and Marcus holding him so tight, the warmth of his breath, the little flicker of light kindling in Dan's chest.

He tries to get it back.

He's just so cold, and it's so loud inside his head.

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"S'alright now," Marcus says soothingly, rubbing Dan's back as he suddenly has Dan's arms around him, his face pressed to his shoulder. Dan feels smaller than he really is, and terribly frightened, and Marcus wishes he could have prevented the attack i the first place. He'd gotten Dan out of the castle, but if he could have stopped the abduction altogether, maybe Dan wouldn't be having these nightmares, whatever they are.

"You're alright. You're safe," he murmurs, running through all the calming assurances he knows and then some. Repeating them over and over until he can feel Dan's breathing evening out bit by bit.

He's barely been in Darrow for a month and now he's seeing the worst parts of it. Marcus certainly wouldn't blame him for being one of those who wants to get out of this place and back home, where things might still be dangerous, but at least the dangers are familiar.

"No, don't send me back," Dan gasps, only picking up on bits here and there, the shine reeling with dreaming and darkness and the warmth and light he's found in this very room even just for now, temporary.

Even if this is a temporary reprieve from darkness and loneliness, Dan will take it. Marcus feels solid and real, maybe the only solid and real thing Dan knows for certain exists in this moment. He doesn't want to have to let go.

But no one has ever really held him like this, and never for as long as he needs, so Dan carefully pulls away when he thinks it's been too long. He's sure he looks like shit, and like a crazy emotional wreck when he makes himself meet Marcus's eyes. "Jesus," he sighs. "I'm sorry." His voice rasps. "I should have expected-- the nightmares can get really bad. Really real. I'm not even-- I think I'm awake now. I used to have, uh, false awakenings."

"You're awake," Marcus says, still rubbing Dan's shoulder, even though he's pulled away. The wind howls outside and Marcus is quiet for a time, not saying anything at all, keeping his hand where it is, rubbing in a warm, comforting manner. The power is still on, he can see the clock glowing across the room, and the fire is still burning, so it's warm in the room and when he thinks he's given it enough time, he puts a bit of gentle pressure on Dan's shoulder.

"Lie down. It's okay if you don't fall asleep again right away, just lie back, it'll help calm your breathing if you're stretched out rather than hunched over," he guides. He keeps hearing what Dan had said about not being sent back, and he's not sure what to make of that, why Dan would want to stay here over returning to the people he must have back home. Marcus wants to be here. But Marcus doesn't have anything waiting for him.

Trying to encourage Dan to lie back again, he slides down a little on his own pillow, slouching back under the covers, gently bringing Dan with him.

Dan wouldn't be able to articulate it-- he's not quite aware the words came out, only that this space and this person feel like something he's never been able to attain before.

He relaxes, bit by bit, at the steady soothing pattern rubbed into his shoulder, and when Marcus encourages him to lie down, he goes. Acting more on impulse and feeling than anything, he edges further into Marcus's space, testing, the whole set of his jaw asking, pleading for a little more, a little closer.

There's too much for Dan to parse it. He tries to trust what's shining through not to steer him wrong. It hasn't before.

Trusting, some shade of hopeful, he reaches for Marcus's hand, pulling his arm around him and that hand to his chest.

please

Under different circumstances, he thinks this could be dangerous. Marcus would never try to push anything and there's a part of him that's still rather certain Dan is only in need of a good friend right now, someone to support him and help him feel safe, and if that's the case, he's more than happy to provide. There are very few people in this life he's connected with this quickly, possibly limited to Neil, Molly, and Mouse. and he knows how special that is. How rare it is to find a connection of this magnitude and so he will take it in whatever form Dan is capable of giving it.

Marcus has destroyed a lot of things in his life, many of them on purpose, but he's learned from Neil not to destroy those who mean something to him.

"S'alright," he says again, settling back on his pillow, turning onto his side and letting Dan wrap that arm around himself. With his palm pressed to Dan's chest he can feel the beating of his heart, pleased to find it slowing bit by bit. "Nothing can get in here. Sabrina's made sure of that. That girl is too bloody stubborn and too bloody talented to let anything get to us inside these walls."

That's not what this is comes unbidden to Dan's lips, and he keeps it quiet, because the sensation of that strong arm around him, palm to his heart, provides more clarity than the slightly frazzled radio in his head.

This means something.

Marcus is giving him something, something Dan wants, just because Dan wants it. Needs it. But it's not as if he feels like it's something Marcus doesn't want to give.

Maybe it'll clear up when he's had some sleep. As for sleep, he can feel it wrapping around him without threat of further nightmare. He'll sleep well this way, he knows, and he can examine the why when it's light again.

"We're safe," he agrees. "And warm." And happy.

Sleep still doesn't come easily for Marcus, although this time it's for a very different reason. As he lies in the dark, his arm around Dan, he realizes this is the first time anyone besides him -- and the wolf -- has been in this bed since Matthias disappeared. He wonders if he's supposed to feel guilty about that.

Telling himself there's no reason he should doesn't necessarily work. He shouldn't. There's nothing to feel guilty about, nothing going on here besides Dan needing a friend. If Marcus feels something closer to a romantic attachment stirring, that doesn't mean it's going to come to fruition. He's allowed to look, it's not as if having been with someone and then lost them means he has to return to celibacy even in his mind. And beyond that, Matthias wouldn't tell him not to help someone in need.

But he still can't fall asleep. Because it isn't only that he's helping a friend. These feelings he's been trying to ignore for the last month are a little more difficult to shove down when he's wrapped around the man inspiring them. With a sigh, he shifts a little and presses his face into his pillow and closes his eyes. As long as Dan sleeps, it'll be fine.

Dan sleeps more soundly than he has in a very long time, until hazy light starts streaming through the windows. He wakes slowly, warm and content with an arm around his chest and the line of Marcus's body behind him.

In the light, he supposes, maybe this should seem odd. Maybe this is more intimate than it ought to be. With Marcus's breath on the back of his neck, Dan waits to see if what he's been told about gay panic is looming.

But he likes this intimacy, with Marcus. That's something to think about, if not now. Maybe he should put a pin it it; he's sure now more than ever the darkness won't last.

He turns, but he only moves away just enough to see Marcus's face.

Maybe for the first time in his life, Marcus is slow to wake. He can feel Dan stirring under his arm and his mind supplies some supporting information for this bit, reminding him why Dan is there in the first place and not to make assumptions when he finally opens his eyes. But he's warm and comfortable. They've made it through the night, they're both safe, and Kat is safe. And Marcus can hear the familiar clicking of Trassel's nails in the kitchen, which means he's come home safe, too, and Kat has most likely let him inside.

He inhales deeply, then lifts his hand off Dan and rubs his fingers across his eyes before opening them. Dan is close. Closer than he would have expected and Marcus does his best not to panic or let anything besides a small, lopsided grin register in his expression.

"No more nightmares?" he asks, pushing up in the bed just a little. It's not to put more distance between them, at least not entirely, but he can't quite focus on Dan's face at this close proximity and he doesn't want to spend the entirety of a conversation staring at his mouth.

Dan eases back too, but now that so much of his own fear and horror has been eased, he's fully aware it's close than is entirely appropriate still. He doesn't feel any need to move further, though. What daylight has settled into the room won't last long, and it still has a smoky, unreal quality.

"No nightmares," Dan confirms, not entirely able to keep from looking and sounding as happily amazed as he feels. "That-- shouldn't exactly be possible, but it was just sleep." His throat hurts, and he can feel where the skin is trying to heal over under the bandages.

It would be easy to get more information on this, to get Marcus's perspective, but that's not right. Not when Dan isn't sure what's happening. He'll set up a wall, he thinks, like he told Abra, only he'll keep himself in as best he can. He's done it for years; it's exactly what he should do. There's nothing acceptable about digging through the mind of a friend.

Avoidance can look so much like respect.

He tells whoever it is to shut up, but he's aware he's doing a little gazing.

Marcus smiles a little and tells himself to get up, get out of bed, pull himself away from the warmth of this moment, because it's the right thing to do. There are things he needs to take care of; making sure there's enough wood still in the house for the two fireplaces, getting food into all three of them, making sure Trass isn't injured, keeping an eye out for Sabrina or Nick. He needs to look at the skin under the bandages on Dan's throat and take care to be sure there's no swelling. There are things that need to be done.

But the bed is warm and it's comfortable and he hates himself a little to realize just how much he's missed sharing it with someone. He wants to just lie here and look at him. He wants to do all kinds of things he hadn't expected to want again.

"Good," he says. "You needed it. I think we both did."

He finally forces himself to turn over onto his back where he stretches and then rubs at his eyes again before pulling himself slowly into a sitting position. "How does your throat feel?"

Edited 2019-06-17 23:40 (UTC)

The moment doesn't do anything so dramatic as break or shatter, but something fades gently, and Dan knows as much as he knows anything that it's not gone. While the timing seems unfair, he's got the last twenty-four-plus hours to prove that Marcus will stay a fixture in his life here-- perhaps even as long as Dan wishes.

And for the first time outside of the discovery of blood relations in the heat of danger, he doesn't try to put any distance between himself and those warm, comfortable moments. He just lets the corner of his mouth pull up, and then he sits up too. "Hurts," he says honestly. "How's your kneel feel?"

"It hurts," he admits with a laugh. "Not sure I want to see the sorts of colours it's inevitably turning at this point and it's stiff as hell, but once I get moving around and get some ice on it again, it should be a bit better."

Everything outside the house is still a mess. Sabrina is still in danger, even though he knows she's capable. The snow is still falling. Those monsters are still out there. But in here, in the bedroom, even just within the walls of the house, he knows they're safe and as selfish as it is, he wants to bask in that for a moment.

"You'll need to let me check on the bandages," he says. "Once we're up. Get some clean ones on there so you can avoid any sort of infection." Another thing he has too much experience in because of demonic forces. Marcus has spent countless moments trying to soothe the wounds of the possession, rubbing ointment on their wrists, putting bandages on the cuts they give themselves.

"Don't make it worse, at least," Dan says, some of the intensity of the moment having certainly faded, but the quiet warmth remaining. "I can help with things around here. Knee stuff can be tricky," he adds. "And I don't know that I want Sabrina coming back to find you've made an injury worse."

The idea of being tended too seems unbearably sweet and strange, and Dan can't quite keep that from his expression. "Yeah, that would be-- good thing I'm up on my tetanus shot."

He already doesn't know how he's going to leave this behind. Whether it's the safety of this place or the shine, he's very certain it will end.

And he'll have to head back to his apartment.

He pushes it from his mind.

"Don't worry, I'll put you to work," Marcus answers with a little grin for Dan, tilting his head to look over at him. He needs to get out of this bed and he needs to do it soon or risk doing something foolish, but at the same time, he certainly doesn't want Dan to think he's leaping to his feet because the thought of sharing a bed has gotten to be too much.

It's the very opposite in fact. It's the knowledge that he could sink back down into this so easily.

"You should stick around here," he says as he eases himself out from under the covers, then stretches his legs out carefully. His injured knee he bends and straightens a few times, wincing at the stiffness, but already the swelling feels like it's gone down. "I don't like the idea of you going back out there until this is all over."

Dan is someone who can, at least, appreciate the idea that there's work to be done, and he's at least more mobile than Marcus. "I hope you do. I suppose finding actual employment might be in order soon. I'm not used to not keeping myself business."

He gets out of the bed as well, and spends some time stretching, pleased to feel the effects of good rest on some of the aches from yesterday. Or is it yesterday? He doesn't know for certain.

Dan's not quick enough, however, to hide the bright smile at being invited to stay until the winter is done. Beyond the obvious peace he's found here, he likes Kat and Trass, and no small part of him is curious what Marcus's ward is up to out there. "Yeah, thanks. I'd like to stay."

Marcus has to work hard not to smile too broadly in return, then passes one hand over his short hair. They probably both ought to shower, but he feels like coffee and breakfast are required before anything else and so he opens the bedroom door finally, even though he wants to stay closed up in here for as long as possible.

"There's coffee in the cupboard over the sink if you want to start there," he suggests as he slowly makes his way down the hall to the kitchen. "Or if you'd rather shower first, there are towels in the closet right here. You can take whatever clothes of mine will fit you from the drawers."

Dan's a bit shorter than he is, but not by much, and they share the same wiry sort of frame. He anticipates Dan fitting into most of what he owns.

"I would really like to shower," Dan admits, because he feels like he could use about twenty more of them to feel like all the grime is truly gone. He also thinks a chance to try and figure out the tangle of feelings he'd woken up in would be supremely useful.

"Better be careful," he says, and if his smile is a little wistful, he's not sure he can control that. "You'll never get rid of me at this rate."

It's not until he's actually scrubbing his skin pink that he realizes it'd been a way to say I don't want to leave.

Marcus doesn't want to get rid of him, but he manages to not say anything too foolish as Dan goes off to shower. Once the water is running, Marcus sinks carefully into a chair in the kitchen and beckons Trass over. The wolf pads across the room and yawns before resting his chin on Marcus's knee. He puts up with the checkup, Marcus's hands running over him, looking for any blood or wounds, but the only stains in Trass's fur seem to be dirt or that sticky black blood that had come from the creatures.

He gets impatient after a few minutes of this and shoves Marcus's hand away with his nose before going to curl up in front of the fire in the living room.

"Glad to see you're safe, too," he says with a soft laugh and a roll of his eyes, then gets back to his feet to begin brewing coffee. It's just finishing up when he hears the bathroom door open again. He's sure Dan will smell the coffee and come straight here once he's ready, so Marcus begins making eggs and toast for the three of them.

Dan, for his part, has plenty of practice in compartmentalizing-- has learned it for survival's sake, and while he doesn't need to make any more lockboxes any time soon, he still focuses on each task until he's clean and dressed and heading into the kitchen.

The feeling of something missing rises for a moment, at the sight of Marcus cooking, at the way it would be easy to have this be every day. He takes a breath, pushing his thoughts to the smell of the coffee instead, and then walks over to pour some. "You too?" he asks, even as he's pulling down another mug. "And is Kat up? Trass is back safe too?"

The shine doesn't appear to really give a damn about boxes and the right times for things, but he can try to divert it, maybe.

"Thanks," Marcus agrees with a nod when Dan asks about coffee. "Kat's still in the guest room. I think she's awake, but I'm going to let her rest. As for Trass..." He nods over toward the fire where the wolf is still curled, his snout resting on his paws. At the sound of his name, his eyes open and look toward the kitchen, but he doesn't move from where he's settled himself. He huffs out a breath, then closes his eyes again.

"I think he did some good things up there," he says, but he doesn't elaborate. He doesn't think he can. Whatever Trassel did in Kagura, he won't be able to tell anyone. "And I suspect he'll go back once he's rested."

Because whatever is happening up there isn't over yet. Marcus can still feel it hovering over them, over the entire city. He doesn't need to leave the safety of the house to feel it.

Dan smiles fondly at the wolf, and then just as fondly back at Marcus, though he's not quite aware of the heat in the look he gives his friend.

"Here," he says, gently sliding a cup of coffee Marcus's way, picking up his own for a sip-- only to wince a little. "Yeah, that's going to take a couple days to really start healing up." The raw patches on his neck still look a bit angry too, but he's doing his best to ignore it.

"I meant to ask before, but-- how did you meet Kat?"

A distraction from his throat, at least.

"Ah," Marcus says, then laughs a little as he smiles his thanks for the coffee. Taking two eggs, he breaks them into the pan, then begins to scramble them before adding two more. It's the easiest way to serve everyone at the same time, he figures.

"She and I met in Chicago," he tells Dan. "Her younger sister was, unfortunately, the victim of a possession. A particularly strong and vengeful demon. Kat- well, you've met her, she has a rather strong will. She wanted to protect her sister." He stirs the eggs in the pan, then looks back at Dan. "She called the police on me for performing the exorcism."

Dan sits down at the table, half because he wants to watch Marcus, and half because he doubts he'll convince the other man to let him take over and ice his knee.

"You knew her from before you were here?" he asks, surprised even though he supposes it's entirely possible. "I didn't consider it, but I guess there's no reason there's certain number of people from one-- what are we calling them? Realities? Dimensions?" The rest of the story catch up and Dan laughs in spite of his sore throat. "And were you arrested? Does the Church pay bail on things like that, or do you submit receipts?"

“Well, they had in the past, but I had already been excommunicated at that point and they were no longer interested in saving my ass,” he admits. It’s hard not to see a bit of humour in the situation now that it’s so far in the past. “I was bailed out by another priest. The one I was excommunicated for pointing a gun at, actually. He wasn’t doing me any favours, really, he sent me away right after. He needed me to investigate some people and since I was no longer a priest, I was innocuous in ways he wasn’t.”

As he finishes with the eggs and toast, Marcus prepares two plates and brings them over to the table. Once Kat comes out, he’ll make a plate for her as well, but for now, it’s good to be off his injured leg.

“But, yes, I knew her from before,” he says. “Her mother was here, too, for a time.” He misses Angela even now. She had become a good friend over her time here and he wishes she was still here. For Kat’s sake more than his own.